There is nothing I hate more than shopping for a bra at Victoria’s Secret. Well, there probably is, but I find it very difficult to remember what those terrible things might be when my brain becomes suddenly inundated with thoughts of past bra shopping nightmares. In order to help cope with some of this previous shopping trauma, I’ve developed a “don’t think just do philosophy” for shopping; it’s a sort of quick “get in and get out plan of action” that I have for some anxiety causing stores.
Although for Victoria’s Secret, I go a step further. I marry together my plan of action with the “surprise visit strategy”. Not that I am surprising anyone at the store, I just surprise myself. I show up and I’m shopping before I can recall the anxiety that the store personnel had caused me from any prior visits. I know, it seems like a great deal of effort for such a little shopping spree but it works for me. VS causes me anxiety, I admit it. Oh, and if I listen to my mother, then I am always super prepared for my surprise shopping visit because then I will also have the latest Victoria’s Secret coupon for a free panty in my purse.
Okay, I know, it sounds really silly that I would have to actually surprise myself in order to shop for a bra at an upscale bra store in the mall, but shopping for a bra can really suck. Really. Don’t get me wrong, I like the Victoria’s Secret store. It’s is so cute and pink, perfect eye candy, right? It sits in the mall ever so quaint and I want to go in; I want to have fun. It’s expensive. They have French music. They have really cute things. It should be fun to shop at a Victoria’s Secret store. I want to be tempted. So every time I am out cruising the mall with the kids or by myself, I always step in.
Ugh, how soon I forget! And believe me, I forget a lot. It takes just a few feet into the store for me to suddenly remember why I don’t dwell on my visits to a Victoria’s Secret store. Surprise! I can feel the tension mounting. I look around to see judgmental looks from the employees. I know they are judging, you’ll see why in a minute, and then I see the other customers staring. I know those stares, they are a warning that I am about to be approached by a very loud sales girl who will announce to the entire room that I am wearing the wrong bra.
But how can that be, it’s one of your bras Victoria’s Secret! I listen intently to what she is saying but decline the offer to take the newest bra out for a test run. I ask about the bra I am wearing; I don’t know why I do this because I find it to be my biggest mistake. They are probably running a sales contest on the newest bra and here I am asking about the old one. But you know, if they would stop moving the bras around to different areas then I wouldn’t have to ask, now would I?
As I glance about the store trying to lay my eyes on MY choice in bra style, I feel the conversation suddenly shift. I brace myself because I know what follows next: it’s the “you need a different size bra so now we must measure you” speech. Oh, come on! I have only met you a few minutes ago and now you want to measure me? No. I don’t even know you. I want to tell her that we should probably date a few times or share a first kiss in the parking lot or something before I get whisked away to the dressing room and she starts feeling me up. Really!? But I don’t say anything because that would be rude and my kids are probably with me or maybe even my mom so I just keep it to myself…until now.
Besides, it’s not like there is some hot guy with a tape measure waiting for me in the dressing room. I know it’s going to be you with the measuring tape, you, and I really don’t want to be measured by you. I want the bra that I am wearing. I like the bra that I am wearing. I want to look at the same bra in different colors and be happy. See, these are the straps; I even show the straps on the bra that I am wearing so that I will be shown it’s like kind. Besides, I already know my size because I HAVE been measured. As a matter of fact, look again. I am wearing one of your bras right now! See? No? You still want to measure me? You’re killing me Victoria’s Secret!
So I ask you why? Why, Victoria’s Secret? Why must I be measured the moment I walk in? I feel like I’m being attacked. And if I don’t want to be measured right then, why do you desert me? You leave me standing helplessly searching your store for what I want until I succumb to your stupid tape measure. Maybe my bra still fits. Ever think of that? Maybe I wore it out gardening. Maybe I got it all sweaty and dirty and now I need a new one. Maybe I just want an updated pattern like with stripes or a zebra print. Maybe you should put the tape measure down and listen to what I am saying.
Oh well, maybe someone out there in VS land is paying attention or maybe not but here is what really ruins the whole shopping experience for me. You are forgetting to ask probing questions and you are showing no interest in me as a person. Instead I am flooded with assumptions of what you think I need. And if I try to express my shopping desires then now I am arguing bras with the biggest bra expert that ever walked on planet earth. What? You say there is some sort of Bra University that no one knows about and they have secretly awarded you a degree? Really? Now you are telling me that you were crowned bra expert of the year? No! Expert, my foot! Just because the company hands out walkie-talkies and a head set to wear on your head does not make you an expert. I know. I have a head set and I am an expert at absolutely nothing, except being treated like crap at the VS store.
I really do try hard to be nice to the sales people at the VS store but they just suck the fun right out of the whole shopping experience. Sometimes it only takes about ten minutes in their store and I am ready to leave the mall. And I’m telling you, it’s hard enough to get a teenager to leave those cute little bras and panties behind, let alone leave an entire mall. But she finally does because I usually promise her that we will just go to another VS store at a different mall; but we don’t. Why go through the agony.
Now I’m NOT saying don’t shop at Victoria’s Secret. Geez, Louise, Please! I shop there. Every bra I own is from there and I have a lot of bras, believe me. I’ll probably always shop for bras at VS because I like the product, but I don’t always buy something from them every time I visit even though I really, really, want to. The point that I am trying to make is that I would shop there more often if I was treated better. And I speak for the various women in my life like my sisters, my daughters, and my mom when I say that we would even buy from your store more often if we were treated better. Hey Victoria’s Secret, if you can get me to walk into your store, why not sell me something? I know, I know, it’s a lot to take in. But I think you need to know all of this; you have a lot of stores.
The bottom line here is you need your sales to be combined with a little customer service. I don’t think that it is too much to ask for since you are in the retail sales business. And no, I do not expect you to go overboard by learning my name and calling out to me every time I enter the store like they did for Norm on the set of Cheers. But, a smile and a warm greeting would be a great way to start. And stop trying to get me into the dressing room to measure me all the time. It’s creepy.
So take or leave this advice Victoria’s Secret salespeople, it’s up to you. Learn something from my world’s worst bra shopping experiences; it might just help to increase the sales for your store. Take heed with your customers. Treat everyone like they are your best friend or someone you care about. Greet each customer like you are glad to see them even if you’re not. Be respectful and seem interested in their stupid conversations. Befriend each customer for just a few brief moments and they might just return. Note to Victoria’s Secret sales people: return sales customers are a good thing. And really, all you have to do is try.
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