A Love Letter To My Addiction

a love letter to my addiction

I am so enamored with your presence that I can hardly speak the words to express my love and devotion to your form. I think of you night and day and can barely be apart from your sweet tempting taste that when you are finally near, I become wildly excited. I realize that without you the world would not be the same, but I cannot bear that there may be others that crave you the same way. You are mine and always will be. I am statically yours.

I wrote that one night when, in the middle of my menstrual cycle, I ran out of chocolate. If you are female then you should automatically know how it feels to be on your cycle and addicted to chocolate at the same time, but if you don't then all the power to you. I, for one, have a host of addictions, none of them illegal of course, but most have to do with sugar.

Anyway, over the years I have found through examination of my own psyche that the craving for an existing but non-present thing can be truly overwhelming. I have found that a single thought, such as chocolate, can overpower my mind causing want to overcome willpower. In most cases, if the desire for the thing that I am craving is not there, then my mind starts screaming, if you can't duplicate then replicate.

So, what did I do you might ask. Well, I wrote myself a love letter to chocolate first hoping that it would somehow satisfy some part of the craving. It didn't work. And why would it, expressing my love so passionately for a non-existing food product that I was craving at that very moment just made the craving even worse. Deep down I knew that this would be the case but I just had this overwhelming urge to write out my feelings, not that chocolate would care, but so that I could examine more closely how deeply I really care, and apparently I care a lot.

So I call out from my bed, and this is where having other females in the house can be extremely useful, does anyone have any chocolate? I wait; there is total quiet within the house. Perfect. A non answer means yes by the way in case you are male and don't understand the system, so I have to go for a visit. Of course I head to my youngest daughter's room immediately and am quickly led away from her room to the kitchen because like all sneaky females, you don't let mom in your room and you don't give up your stash, of chocolate of course, I hope my kids are not stashing anything else.

Deep in the bottom drawer of the refrigerator is where she finds a bag of Nestle Semi Sweet Chocolate Chips! Home run you might claim but that is again probably because you are a guy; not so says my brain. So I am standing there, in the kitchen, holding the bag of chocolate chips in one hand and a handful that I just poured out in the other when my daughter deserts me. Not my problem, she claims. Boom, she’s gone. And why not leave? She had done a wonderful thing, even more wonderful if she had just shown me her stash, but still wonderful. She had found me chocolate. I, however, am left standing very much alone in a cold dark kitchen and still very much unsatisfied.

Looking around I realize that my mind is trying desperately to duplicate-replicate the exact chocolate experience that I had in the bedroom. I know that sounds weird, I should have left the bed-bedroom part out of this story but there it is, that's where I have most of my chocolate experiences, in the bedroom in bed. Oh, and if you have never been desperate, then I applaud you.

So back on subject, how did I replicate Hershey Dark Chocolate Peanut M and M's? Well, my first thought was that I had to hurry because the chocolate chips were melting in my hand. As I stood staring at the melting chips, it hit me. I realized that I have the semi sweet part right because it duplicates the dark chocolate perfectly. But where is the salt and crunch? Make a batch of cookies? Takes too long. Microwave popcorn? In the cabinet too long, note to self, throw that out. And then there it is, sitting in front of me the whole time, Lay's Baked Potato Chips. I pull a broken chip out of the bag only to stare longingly at it while I say the potato chip prayer: please don't be stale; please don't be stale. And it's good, a chocolate and potato chip mashup! Wow, yet another satisfying moment in the life of yours truly.

Now the point to my long somewhat humorous and if I might say entertaining story, and yes there are points to most of my stories because I have children I feel points are necessary. My point is that my short-lived chocolate addictions are fine; I embrace them. You can too if you want but I don’t know you so use your own discretion. And that sometimes replication can be just as good as the real thing. Ok, I said sometimes.

My child ditching me in the middle of a crisis, well that's another story, now isn't it.